Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Happy Birth-Day!

Today would've been my mom's 67th birthday! She has been gone 11 years now. Mom and I had a "unique" relationship. One would definitely not call it typical but it was still a relationship. Over the past week or so I've have some very fond memories surface that I hadn't thought about in a long time. Trips to the candy store, the root beer stand, the dairy queen. Mom loved to indulge us with things like this. She was also a very spur-of-the-moment type person. If she felt the desire to go do something, that is exactly what we did. Mom loved to buy things for those that she loved whether it be something as simple as a donut from the local bakery or an ornament that reminded her of you. She was very free when it came to that type of thing and that's a wonderful freedom to have. I'll admit though that there were times when all I wanted from her was a big old hug or simple "I love you", those things did not come so easy to her for whatever reason.

My mom also treasured her grandchildren. Whatever they were doing, she wanted to be a part of it as well. She never missed a little league baseball game, never missed a basketball or volleyball game, never missed a dance recital or soccer game. You name it, she was there. She was a huge fan of all the kids. They all loved having NANA around. Again, she would spoil them with candy or ice cream or taking them to the toy store to pick out anything (within reason) that they wanted. Mom was great like that.

It saddens me that she never allowed herself to accept our hugs as a act of love toward her. For whatever reason, she always felt there was a hidden agenda behind it. I can remember the morning that she passed away, I was praying to God and said "at least now she knows our hugs were there because we loved her, not because we wanted something from her". For some reason it was very important to me that she KNEW that. And ironically enough, the day before she died I had given her a hug when I was leaving and she never questioned it. My mother passed silently in her sleep at the age of 56 from a massive heart attack. She looked so peaceful lying there in her bed snuggled up with her pillow. There was no pain on her face at all. That is how I'll always remember her now, peaceful and content.

Happy Birthday Mom! I miss you more than you could possibly ever know and here's a GREAT BIG HUG from me to you!


74WIXYgrad said...

First 56 is way too young. I'm glad you have such good memories of your mother. I lost mine 5 years ago. She was 76 and had suffered for years with COPD. The rough thing about that was she didn't smoke.

I enjoyed your post Karen.

Pat Jenkins said...

happy birthday vickie!

Jen said...

tears welling in my eyes...i wish I would have hugged my mom more.

Grandma J said...

Karen, that was a wonderful, warm tribute to your beautiful mother. I was from a big strict New England family that didn't show much affection when we were kids. Things changed later in my parents lives...and it may have been the more relaxed lifestyle in CA.

My mother told me that it was the way they were raised, that if you showed too much affection, it would go to your kids' heads.

Believe me, your mother wanted those hugs, it was just hard. I bet there are days you can feel her hugging you now.


btw, my word verification is:


Busy Bee Suz said...

Karen, it breaks my heart that you Mom passed away so young.
This is a very nice tribute to her though and it really touched me.
Not eveyone can give/accept physical love like hugs and kisses. She must not have had this as a child for some reason and it just did not come natural for her. Good thing is that you realized it.
I am glad you do have some happy memories of her, I am sure she did the best that she could and is smiling down on what a great family you have now!!!

Karen said...

You guys are great. Thanks so much for all your love and support. One of the best things I have done is to start blogging. I have met the most wonderful people (and I truly mean that).

namaste said...

a beautiful tribute for your mom, karen. even when they don't express their hearts in the ways that we do, they appreciate our love, as i'm sure your mom appreciated you. happy birthday to your mom!

Cassie said...

Your tribute to your mom is very touching. I'm glad your last hug was accepted for what it was... your love expressed. I've found it's best to hold the positive, good memories with a tight grasp and try to let any negatives go. Easier said than done sometimes, but way healthier! Thank you for writing this post.